The Voice I Started Believing

How changing what I told myself helped me begin facing the fears that controlled my life

For many years, fear didn't just live inside my head.

Fear planned my life.

There were highways I wouldn't drive on. Bridges I avoided. Places I didn't travel. There were times I took longer routes just so I wouldn't have to face a road that made me uncomfortable.

Fear even affected what I could do with my children.

There were places I wanted to take them, including beaches, but sometimes getting there meant crossing a bridge. Instead of facing the fear, I avoided the destination.

At the time, avoiding something felt like relief.

I didn't realize how much of my life I was giving away.

I Became Afraid of Being Afraid

The hardest part wasn't always the highway or the bridge itself.

It was knowing what might happen inside of me.

My heart could race. My hands could sweat. I could feel overwhelmed and immediately start searching for an exit.

Sometimes I would get onto a highway determined to face it, only to get off a few minutes later. I didn't care if the exit took me somewhere unfamiliar. Getting off the highway felt safer than experiencing the fear.

Eventually, I realized something:

I wasn't only afraid of certain things anymore. I was afraid of feeling afraid.

And avoidance kept winning.

Then I Started Changing What I Heard

I had already begun listening to motivational speakers and writing affirmations before work.

I was trying to feed my mind something different.

For years, my internal voice had practiced sentences like:

I can't do this.

Something bad could happen.

Don't go.

Take another road.

Stay where you feel safe.

Then I discovered an app called ThinkUp that allowed me to record affirmations in my own voice and listen to them with music in the background.

That interested me for one particular reason.

The voice I would hear was mine.

So I started recording the things I wanted to believe about myself.

I spoke about facing fear.

I spoke about traveling.

I spoke about trusting love.

I spoke about driving.

I spoke about becoming the man I wanted to be.

Then I listened.

Again.

And again.

Nothing Magical Happened

I want to be very clear about this part.

I didn't download an app, listen to affirmations for a few days, and suddenly lose all my fears.

That's not my story.

I continued struggling.

I continued feeling afraid.

I continued having moments when the old thoughts were louder than the new ones.

But I kept listening.

And eventually, I started doing something even more important.

I started acting.

I got on roads I used to avoid.

I crossed bridges.

I traveled.

I boarded planes.

I began doing things while fear was still present instead of waiting for fear to disappear first.

That's when the words I had been telling myself started meeting something even more powerful:

evidence.

I crossed the bridge.

I did it.

I drove the highway.

I did it.

I traveled.

I did it.

Every experience gave my mind something new to remember.

My World Started Getting Bigger

Eventually I traveled to the Dominican Republic.

I went to Puerto Rico with my son.

I went to Florida with my children.

I drove on mountainous roads in the Dominican Republic that at one time I might have imagined were impossible for me.

Today, even my regular drive to work can require bridges and highways that the old version of me would have tried desperately to avoid.

Sometimes I think about that.

The roads didn't know I was afraid of them.

The bridges weren't keeping me prisoner.

My fear was.

And slowly, my world started getting bigger.

ThinkUp Didn't Drive Across the Bridge for Me

That's probably the most important part of this story.

ThinkUp didn't drive my car.

It didn't cross a bridge for me.

It didn't board an airplane for me.

And it didn't magically remove fear from my mind.

It became one of the tools I used to start changing the conversation I was having with myself.

Motivational speakers helped me.

Writing helped me.

My faith helped me.

The encouragement of people who loved me helped me.

Listening to my own affirmations helped me.

But eventually, I still had to take the step.

I still had to get on the highway.

I still had to cross the bridge.

I still had to board the plane.

Who Is Raising the Voice Inside Your Head?

This journey has made me think differently about the question behind everything I'm creating:

Who raised me?

Our parents raise us.

Our neighborhoods influence us.

Our experiences influence us.

Fear can influence us.

Alcohol influenced me.

But eventually I realized something else.

My own voice was raising me too.

Every time I repeated I can't, I was teaching myself something.

Every time I imagined the worst possible outcome, I was feeding something.

So I decided to start planting different words.

Not because saying something automatically makes it true.

But because I wanted the voice inside my head to stop being another place I was constantly being told what I couldn't do.

Today, I'm still growing.

I'm still learning.

I'm still facing myself.

But I've done things that an earlier version of me genuinely believed he couldn't do.

And that's why I'm sharing this.

Maybe your bridge isn't a bridge.

Maybe your highway isn't a highway.

Maybe your fear is starting over, speaking up, traveling, trusting someone, changing careers, walking away from something unhealthy, or believing you deserve another chance.

Whatever it is, ask yourself:

What has fear been telling me?

Then ask something even more important:

What do I want to start telling myself instead?

You don't have to conquer your entire life today.

Maybe today you simply plant a different seed.

Tomorrow, water it again.

And when you're ready, take one safe step toward the thing fear told you that you couldn't do.

Because sometimes change begins when the voice you've listened to your entire life finally starts saying something different.

Your roots shaped you. Your choices grow you.

— David HernandezWho Raised Me